I don't think I really have problems in my life. Ok. Put aside the stupid case, like; my laptop is not in a good condition, I can't online from my room to do research and facebooking, I don't know how to finish my assignments, I don't understand what my Chemistry lecturer is babbling in the class and so on. That's all are just some stupid technical errors and umm... biological errors- my juicy brain does't want to process those thing I learnt in class OR...

I AM a lazy girl- as simple as that.

Maybe the real big deal is my family and money. I am a student and my parents work hard for me. My dad wake up at 3.00 or 4.00 in the morning for works. And my mom raise us. She cooks, do the laundries, send my sis to school and so on. The things that I love is, I have such a loving family. I have three younger sisters and a younger brother. Me and my mom acts like
friend. Sometimes people think that she is my sister. Yep. She looks young and pwetty! When she is married to my dad 20 years ago, she is so slim! Can you imagine, even my sis and I
can't wear her wedding dress! And now, her size is just about me- or is it slimmer than me?

Damn. I envy you, mom.

Back to the deal. I am not the only child in the family. So my dad needs money to pay bills
and support us. Oh. My Grandma live with us to. We live next to a beach- but I hate beach.
That's not weird. Ok. So, yeah. His payment is not that high. I tried to save money that I got
from the scholarship. So it might help in lighten a lil bit of his burden.

And my dad always always always said to me, "You don't have to worry about anything except to STUDY!"

Okay dad. Okay! Maybe I need to log off now and do my assignment.


See? I don't really have any other problems. But still, I can't get it off of my head. I mean, the family and money matters. Sorry dad.

So since I SHOULD study but I don't, why am I here? Well....

Like I said before, I don't think I really have problems; as in realistic problem in my life. BUT, I am burdened by million of problems!

Wait. That's doesn't sound great isn't it?

How to put this... People love to tell me their problems cuz... they think I am a good
listener and good at keeping secrets. Hmm. Is that really an honest compliment for me?

I don't mind listen to others. But sometimes, I want privacy. I want a moment where I don't have to be disturbed. Where certain people don't find me just to tell their problems. I just
can't say NO to people. That's something that lack in my blood!

And to make thing worse, When I feel sad, or happy, or amuse, or whatever emotions that I feel at that particular time, I don't think any of my friends would really really really listen to my rants. I mean, seriously, lots of them love to change the subjects about their life all of
the sudden and I have to listen for hours. Just. Dammit!

Let me put some recent example. I have a friend who has a boyfriend who is also a friend of
mine and they have some problem in their relationship. For me, it's NORMAL for a couple to
fight and become jealous to their partner sometimes. But she took that matter too seriously
and didn't want to take any advices, be it from me or others. She interrupted me almost every
day and every night for almost two weeks- since she is my roomate. Each time I come back from classes and changed my cloth, she will sit in my bed or she will call me from her bed and tell me the latest progress about her BF and she. When we ate together, at first, we will talk
about whatever we wanted to and suddenly, she talked about her BF. I mean, come on. She even interrupted me at 4 in the morning! She could't sleep, she didn't want to eat, she didn't have mood to study all because the problems.

This interrupting and burdening thing is not applying to relationship problems only. No matter what problems that they have, they tend to treat me like this.

And to make thing worse, When I feel sad, or happy, or amuse, or whatever emotions that I
feel at that particular time, I don't think any of my friends would really really really listen to my rants. I mean, seriously, lots of them love to change the subjects about their life all of the sudden and I have to listen for hours. Just. Dammit!

Oh. And I am good at keeping secret because I didn't even tell the real world about my secrets, my hobby, my guilty pleasure AND my problems. So where is my right to tell others about their secrets?

I told my stupid rants and story on the internet because nobody knows who I am in the real life and I doubt any of my friends read this. I just need to tell somebody... Or something as I am no good at vocalize my thought.

And I miss home.


Until next rants,

LittleRu.